Let Your Cat Say What You Can't.
Four unapologetic felines deliver premium, personalized memos—sweet, spicy, or gloriously savage.
Selecting a cat grants you access to their private counsel. Your memo will be personally authorized and delivered within 7 days — membership has its privileges. Need it faster? Contact us directly, and we’ll see if your chosen feline can be persuaded…..
Why Trust The Council
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Your secrets stay between you and the cats. Period.
Handcrafted
Expertly written by real humans (and cats).
Swift Delivery
Your wisdom arrives in just 7 days(or less).
Made to Order
Each memo is as unique as your situation.
How It Works
Pick your cat.
Choose the voice—Royal, CEO, Muscle, or Godfather. Each brings their own particular brand of feline wisdom to your situation. (After you purchase, the confirmation page will have your form link.)
Set the vibe.
Sweet, spicy, or savage. Add the name/situation. Tell us exactly what needs addressing—and how merciless you want your cat to be. (You’ll share these details in the form link from your confirmation.)
Get your memo.
A polished, high-res digital letter you can share, frame, or wield like feline truth serum. Deliciously effective.
Choose Your Cat
Bongo — The Muscle
18 lbs of fearless, dog-hating enforcement. Household security chief. Only purrs after a full energetic background check. Perfect for letters that bring blunt truth, fearless advice, and no-nonsense cat logic.
Veah — The Royal Advisor
Emotionally sensitive, dramatically insightful, and quietly ruthless when needed. From nurturing to savage in one whisker twitch. Great for emotional support letters, classy roasts, and heartfelt-but-honest pep talks.
Raleigh — The Fluffy CEO
Regal. Grounded. Dignified. Speaks like a velvet gavel — measured, wise, and devastatingly accurate. Ideal for professional shade, leadership wisdom, or eloquent relationship advice.
Gary — The Godfather
Persistent, overwhelming (in a loving way), and impossible to ignore. Gets results through sheer persistence and emotional persistence. Best for life-changing nudges, guilt-laden encouragement, and never-letting-you-quit motivation.
The Council has spoken. Scroll down, choose your tier, and let the plotting begin.
Choose Your Memo
Find the perfect custom cat letter for your situation — whether you need comfort, sass, or unapologetic truth. These digital feline memos make unique gifts for cat lovers.
🐾 Tier 1: The Regal Reminder – $29.99
- A personalized cat memo written directly from your chosen cat.
Choose from The Council Cats:
- Veah – The Fluffy CEO (emotional, intuitive, dramatic)
- Raleigh – The Royal Advisor (wise, calm, articulate)
- Bongo – The Enforcer (bold, no-nonsense, protective)
- Gary – The Godfather (intense, persuasive, emotionally direct)
Or select our NEW gentle option:
- Feather – The Soft Apprentice (sweet, comforting, kind, emotionally sensitive)
What this tier includes:
- 1 short, powerful paragraph
- Written in the voice of your chosen cat
- Personalized to the situation (encouragement, birthday, behavior, healing, etc.)
- Delivered on The Cats Know™ Memo Format
- PDF you can print at home
Prefer your own cat’s voice?
Add $10 and we’ll channel their true attitude —
soft, sharp, or gloriously dramatic.
Add $10 and we’ll channel their true attitude —
soft, sharp, or gloriously dramatic.
🐾 Tier 2: The Custom Cat Letter – $79.99
Best Seller
A long-form, deeply personalized letter written as if your chosen cat is speaking directly to you (or someone you love).
This is the meaningful, magical option — the one people save, reread, and treasure.
This is the meaningful, magical option — the one people save, reread, and treasure.
What’s Included:
• 250–400 words
• A blend of humor, heart, intuition, and feline honesty
• Personalized details woven throughout
• Written in the voice of your chosen cat:
— Veah (emotional & intuitive)
— Raleigh (wise & elegant)
— Bongo (bold & protective)
— Gary (dramatic & direct)
— Feather (soft & tender) or your own cat’s voice.
• 250–400 words
• A blend of humor, heart, intuition, and feline honesty
• Personalized details woven throughout
• Written in the voice of your chosen cat:
— Veah (emotional & intuitive)
— Raleigh (wise & elegant)
— Bongo (bold & protective)
— Gary (dramatic & direct)
— Feather (soft & tender) or your own cat’s voice.
Delivered on our Regal Letter format (printer-friendly)
Perfect For:
• Birthdays
• Supportive encouragement
• Kids needing comfort
• Adults going through something
• Milestones & big feelings
• “Just because” moments
• Healing or emotional reassurance
• Birthdays
• Supportive encouragement
• Kids needing comfort
• Adults going through something
• Milestones & big feelings
• “Just because” moments
• Healing or emotional reassurance
🐾 Tier 3: Three fully personalized custom cat letters - $179.99
(250–400 words each), delivered exactly when life calls for backup.
It’s like having feline mentorship on demand — smart, soothing, and just the right amount of sassy.
It’s like having feline mentorship on demand — smart, soothing, and just the right amount of sassy.
What You Get:
• Three custom letters (PDF delivery)
• Each one 250–400 words
• Written in the voice of your chosen Council Cat or your own cat
• Themes can include: heartbreaks, breakthroughs, personal growth, emotional resets, or beautifully chaotic nonsense
• Signature Council touches such as:
— Household Evaluation Report from Bongo
— Unexpected Affection Audit from Gary
— Feather’s soft emotional support
— Veah’s intuitive insights
— Raleigh’s calm clarity
• Three custom letters (PDF delivery)
• Each one 250–400 words
• Written in the voice of your chosen Council Cat or your own cat
• Themes can include: heartbreaks, breakthroughs, personal growth, emotional resets, or beautifully chaotic nonsense
• Signature Council touches such as:
— Household Evaluation Report from Bongo
— Unexpected Affection Audit from Gary
— Feather’s soft emotional support
— Veah’s intuitive insights
— Raleigh’s calm clarity
How It Works:
- Purchase the bundle now.
- Whenever you’re ready for a new letter, just submit the request form.
- Submit your details whenever life gets weird, wonderful, overwhelming, or just… very human.
- We’ll pause real life to deliver something comforting, clever, and claws-out honest.
No need to track dates.
Just raise the paw when it's time.
Just raise the paw when it's time.
Note🐾 Individual cats have spoken. But if you dare face the entire Board, scroll down.
A Note on Typos:
Our Council believes in speaking their truth, not fixing their commas. Your memo will arrive purr-fectly imperfect — just like a cat.
Our Council believes in speaking their truth, not fixing their commas. Your memo will arrive purr-fectly imperfect — just like a cat.
Sample Memo
"Human, we've reviewed your case. Bongo says enforce boundaries. Veah requests gentleness—with yourself. Raleigh recommends a measured reply at sunrise. Gary... will keep following up until you actually send it. Consider this your official memo: you are not the chaos—you're the cat."
Your Counsil of Cats awaits. Expertly crafted letters, translated from the whiskered ones.
Need a letter straight from the cat's mouth? Try a feline communication service.
A Directive from the Full Executive Board
When one cat speaks, it is law.
When the entire Board speaks, it is destiny.
When the entire Board speaks, it is destiny.
This is no ordinary memo or letter — this is a rare joint statement, personally authorized by every member of the Executive Board. Expect a mix of muscle, menace, majesty, and mischief — all wrapped into one decree.
Choose your format:
- Memo — concise, sharp, and delivered with maximum authority.
- Letter — longer, layered, and laced with wit (or scorn).
Few humans ever receive a joint decree. If you do, consider it a rare honor… and a permanent record against you.
What Our Humans Say
"Raleigh wrote the breakup I couldn't—calm, classy, devastating."
— Jessica T.
"Gary guilt-tripped me into finally applying. Got the job."
— Marcus W.
"Veah's memo made my sister cry—in the good way."
— Amelia R.
Request Your Memo
1
Your Details
Name, situation, and which cat you'd like to deliver your truth. We'll handle the rest.
2
We Write
The Council convenes, weighs your case, and crafts the perfect feline response.
3
Digital Delivery
Your custom memo arrives in your inbox, ready to share, print, or unleash.
Custom order—review your details before checkout
Frequently Asked Questions
What exactly do I get?
A custom, high-res digital letter (PDF + text). Perfect to print, share, or screenshot. Each memo is tailor-made to your situation with the exact tone you request.
How fast is delivery?
Your custom cat letter is delivered within 7 days—crafted with care, humor, and plenty of whisker wisdom. For urgent cat-themed gifts or emergencies, contact us directly.
Can I edit the memo?
Edits? The Council laughed. You get your custom cat letter exactly as it came through the whiskers.
Refunds?
Custom cat letters are non-refundable. The Council stands by their words—each personalized feline memo is crafted with care and delivered exactly as intended.
Can I use it publicly?
Yes for personal use and socials. For commercial/licensing, email connect@thecatsknow.com.
Do the cats take sides?
They take truth's side. Always. Even when it's not what you want to hear—it's what you need to hear.
For Entertainment Purposes Only
Disclaimer
Our feline correspondents have unmatched emotional intelligence, divine timing, and a gift for brutal honesty—but they’re not licensed therapists, certified life coaches, or actual HR professionals (despite Gary’s claims).
Our feline correspondents have unmatched emotional intelligence, divine timing, and a gift for brutal honesty—but they’re not licensed therapists, certified life coaches, or actual HR professionals (despite Gary’s claims).
Every letter, memo, and musing is designed to amuse, comfort, or spark gentle chaos—with love. Take them as seriously as a cat takes your personal space: optional, but worth considering.
If you’re in a real mental health crisis, please seek a human professional who can help.
🐾 © FurReal Authority
The Cats Know: Memos & Mischief
"Powered by genuine feline mischief."
🐾 Policies
Refunds:
Custom letters are non-refundable. No typos will be fixed — our Council delivers their words exactly as intended.
Custom letters are non-refundable. No typos will be fixed — our Council delivers their words exactly as intended.
Privacy:
Your secrets stay between you and the cats.
Your secrets stay between you and the cats.
Delivery:
Digital via email within the stated timeframe. (Check spam — our sass sets off filters.)
Digital via email within the stated timeframe. (Check spam — our sass sets off filters.)